Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
