Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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