Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dignity is for republicans.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
