He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
