I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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