I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
