Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
