I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
