Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've blown a few things in my day
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
