Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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