Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize