I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
