I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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