The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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