Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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