When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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