nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
