he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
