Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
