If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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