i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
