I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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