Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
