i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
A+ Viking dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
