someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
