So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
