ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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