I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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