She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
