Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
