so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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