Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
