five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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