we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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