The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
