Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
