Kiss
Puke
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
