rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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