I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
