He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
