I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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