Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
