Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
