So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
how drunk are you?
Several
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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