I cockslap morals
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
