I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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