I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
