sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
