I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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