Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
