Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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