Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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