the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
