my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
