OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
