mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
