This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
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Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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