I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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