there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
