Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
