I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
