Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
