What a fucking waste of an outfit
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
