There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
