I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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