Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Don't make out with my wife yet
she woke up with a sticky ear
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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