The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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