She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Randomize
