WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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