You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
