Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
