Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
