Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
