whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
