I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so that wasnt chicken after all
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Randomize
