every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
