you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
And then he peed in my hair
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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