I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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