glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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