I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
