last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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