I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
