Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
