I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
