She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
