one might say we're banned from that church
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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