He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
