My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize